Self Portraits...

I will indefinitely be sharing more from my most recent self portrait session, but for now.. since I teased it on instagram I might as well share one of my absolute faves.

These sessions always shock the shit out of me.

I go in to it just like everyone else, I’m picking apart my body, my skin, my whatever. I’m not feeling comfortable and was pretty sure 85% of these photos were trash (even AS I was taking them).

It’s hard even technically for me to do these, to be honest. The energy it takes to set it up, mess with the camera settings (it really is a struggle to connect it to my phone, the connection never stays more than a few minutes so it’s sort of constant). Then to model it, check it, do it all over again.

So even the emotional aspect compounding on top of it, sometimes I walk away wondering if I just wasted hours of my time that could have been spent doing something else.

However, there’s something else that happens that starts to overshadow some of those technical and emotional difficulties. I find a flow, I find creativity, peace in my own space. I got to spend time by myself in this new studio space, creating, playing, flowing… it ignites me. It reminds me of what I do and why I do it… sometimes that gets lost when my days are filled with the administration aspects of my job, or editing, etc.

It also connects me to my client’s experience. To try poses, to think of how I can better direct you, guide you, encourage you through this process. To find ways to move authentically and capture real moments. It makes me feel vulnerable, just as you do when you’re with me, and builds my compassion.

But yesterday I took one of my favorite self portraits to date I think.

What do you think?

Photo by Me of Me! (Christie Caiola)